Yes, I have done it! I have finally found the right teacher and group of fellow dancers to support venturing into the world of performance.
After my last painful adventure into coupled relationships, I have noticed, as I explored what made me vulnerable, that I thrive on passion. Having read somewhere (I can’t remember where) that one can nourish a passion by committing oneself to it – based on the theory that a passion can grow with a set of skills – I decided to test this out. Because there seemed to be some seedlings of passion growing around belly dance, I consciously decided to see if I could turn belly dance into a passion for me!
It seems to be working!
One of my goals for this year was to face my performance anxiety head-on. So, when I had a chance to perform, I jumped on it, not only committing to dance in the group piece but also pushing myself to do a solo.
It was a very interesting challenge – and I am proud that I did it, especially because I didn’t let my anxiety stop me. That anxiety showed up in several ways. First, my mind came up with disaster scenarios, basically anything that could go wrong, did – in my mind. And most of it involved blood and gore: I’d get into an accident seemed to be the most common theme with lots of variations. Then, once I was visible on stage (strangely not before), my whole body was shaking. Not deterred, I smiled even though the quiver in my lower lip was a bit distracting. During the solo, I managed to present snake arms despite the light vibration in my arms. (You can watch the whole performance here!)
Would I do it again? Yes! I am already coming up with ideas…