I’ve had three dance related experiences this week that I want to use to figure out where I want to go next with my dancing.
On Monday, I attended a folk dance party with live music. And I had a blast. While leading a dance, I got so into the music that at some point, I just had to add a shoulder shimmy. My self-consciousness had melted away. It was a very freeing sensation!
Then on Thursday, I taught my first belly dance class! I was subbing for my regular teacher. It is a fairly small class, so I was surprisingly confident about it. During lunch, I put together the playlist for the class that I had put together in my head. Of course, there are lots of things that I would change but overall it went very well. At least I had lots of fun – and I think the three other women who attended did, too!
Now, it’s Friday evening and I am fretting over the performance tomorrow night. There’s so much about it I don’t like. I already have skin issues around my eyes and then put make-up on? Plus, make-up? Putting on eyeliner is make-up to me. Lipstick is almost over-the-top. I am glad that I did one performance but now I am finding out that, to me, this is just too much trouble for the amount of joy.
Maybe this is just my anxiety speaking. And yet, I wasn’t anxious about leading on Monday. The shoulder shimmy just appeared. Sure, I was a little nervous about the class. The prep work was fun, though. With the performance it’s just a drag, something I almost force myself to do.
I am not quite sure what all this means for where to take my dance/dancing next. I do want to nurture the confidence that showed up on Monday and, actually, on Thursday as well. Maybe performing is part of that nurturance – or maybe it’s hindering it. That’s the part I haven’t figured out yet.
(Here are my post-performance reflections that show the power of anxiety in action!)